Chapter 5

“Nigga, come on.”

I spoke impatiently while staring out of the window.

“Chill out.”

I whipped my head around to stare at Kenny.

“You chill out. Your boy need to come the fuck on. You need to get rid of this car.”

I shifted around in the hot car that could be reported stolen already and here we were still sitting in it. I snapped my neck down to look at Chante's arm that I bumped. For a second, I thought she moved. Wishful thinking. I huffed as I looked up at the motel office to see the scrawny white boy walk out with his hands in his pockets. Swear they don't know how to keep up with this life. Why are we taking our damn time in a situation like this.

“Yo, you good?”

Kenny leaned his head out of the window and nodded at the boy who nodded in return to Kenny's question. He walked up to the car and held the key out.

“You got 23.”

“Aight, bet. Good looking. I'ma take care of you, man.”

“You got something to eat?”

“Here, man. I'ma feed you for the whole week. You good with me.”

Kenny took the key he was holding out and handed it over to me before reaching in his pocket. He pulled out a roll of money and peeled off a few bills.

“Go sit down and enjoy your meal, man. Don't rush it.”

“I'll just grab something quick. I gotta make my way over to get a spot.”

I rolled my eyes not believing that these niggas were seriously holding a conversation at this very moment. I twisted my body and leaned against the door to show my impatience but neither paid me mind as Kenny spoke up again.

“Nah, man. I tell you what. When you finish up, come back here and holla at me. Get you a spot here. Leave that shelter alone for a few days.”

“I uh- thanks.”

“No problem. You look out for me and I'ma look out for you. Keep your head up out here.”

“She gonna be alright?”

He nodded his head in Chante's direction. Kenny looked back and like it all dawned on him as his memory flooded back into his mind, he quickly shook his head.

“Yeah, she'll be good. We're trying to help her escape trouble. You know how it is.”

I watched ole boy's face mirror concern and understanding.

“So just come to your room or meet you by your car?”

“Aw, nah. This isn't my shit. I'ma return it and be back. Just uh-” He looked over at me really quick and before I could object, he turned his attention back to him. “Knock on the door. She'll be looking out for you.”

“Alright. Thanks again.” He leaned down to get a better view of me. “Thank you ma'am.”

Before I could react, he was walking away from the car and Kenny was pulling down to the other end of the parking lot. He parked the car in front of 13 and 14, taking up both spaces. I leaned forward to look at the door. He tilted his head and looked up. I shook my head.

“Really? Upstairs?”

“At least we can see what the fuck is going on from a view.”

“Whatever. Just come on so you can ditch this car before the cops make this shit their business. You've wasted enough time.”

I pushed the door open and gave him little room to react to my comment. I looked across the parking lot to see white boy walking further away from the motel.

“You ain't gotta worry bout him. He good people. Not too many trustworthy motherfuckers walking this earth, but he ain't never been foul.”

“Never is a serious ass word.”

“May be hard to believe, I know but when a motherfucker show you what he about, give him his prop. He's real. Just caught up in the wrong part of the world.”

I looked back to see him tugging Chante out of the car. I lifted an eyebrow and right on cue, he slowed his pace to move more gentle with her. I jogged around the car and got the door as he headed for the steps. I looked around to scope out our surroundings. Glancing over the car, I swiftly brushed pass him to get ahead of him and unlock the door.

“Don't forget to wipe down.”

“You think I'm stupid? I know our prints on it.”

I closed the door and watched him go to lay her across the bed.

“Hold on!”

He paused and looked at me crazy because I caught him off guard. I moved across the room and went into the bathroom. I looked over the condition of the bathroom while snatching up the towels.

“I know you're not having no trouble holding her. Surely you not that weak.”

“Nah, she's just laying a little funny if you haven't noticed her state. Her heads falling back awkward. I'm just trying to get her right.”

I sat the towels on the end of the bed and tossed them across the bed one by one. I caught Kenny staring at me with a facial expression that wasn't hard to read at all. He wanted to know what the fuck was I doing.

“Ain't shit ever clean in motels but the damn towels.”

I moved so he could put Chante down. He grunted when I leaned forward to quickly knock over the edge of one of the towels that was folded back. He looked at me as if he was waiting for permission. I nodded at the bed and moved further back out of the way. He laid her body across the towels and held her head up as I stepped back up to move the towels over the pillow.

“You know you coulda let ole boy take the car.”

“So he can take the fall if he get caught up? Nah.”

“And if you get caught up?”

“Then that's on me. That's nothing to do with man.”

“That's your favorite word ain't it?”

I questioned while walking around the motel room getting a feel for it so I could make a decision on whether or not we would be here tonight or move because I know damn well Chante would have to spend a couple of days with me til I can think this shit over. Damn myself for jumping right into this shit with no plan. I looked back to see a quizzed look on his face.

“You keep saying man. You know like that bad ass chile that always let aw man slip out of his damn mouth?”

“Not man. Man.”

“Excuse me for missing the difference.”

I made my way into the bathroom to check under the sink.

“Man. Like a name.”

I made my way out of the bathroom to find him lingering around the second bed while playing with his pockets. I made a mental note to address some things but that would have to wait til later.

“He's been through some shit. Used to be on drugs but he shook it. Lot of people treat him like he ain't shit because he had an addiction. Talking to him stupid and treating him like he a lil boy or some shit. I call him Man. Remind him that he a grown ass man and deserve respect just as much as the next nigga.”

Suddenly I was more intrigued by this guy's mindset. I guess this is what Bo knew about when he was tryna lay out his background for me without saying too much because he was a firm believer in your business is only for you to tell and you only. His phone rung, catching his attention. He looked over it like he didn't want to accept the call. He hit silence and put the phone in his pocket.

“Aight, I see where you going. Give me a number before you leave. You gon have to stop and get some shit to bring back. Matter fact, I'ma give you my number and you just hit me before you make a new move.”

Taking the cue, he reached back into his pocket to pull out the phone. He held it up and looked up at me waiting for me to call out the number. I snatched the phone and programmed it myself before pushing it up against his chest when it started ringing again just as I saved my number.

“You better answer it if Montey out here losing his mind right now and you know he is.”

“Nah, this ain't him.”

He looked unsure about answering the call that wasn't the same number as the number I saw as a missed call when I went to program my number. Matter of fact, they had two different area codes. Mental note.

“Let me get this hot ass car off my hands.”

“How long you gon be? Estimated time.”

I put the stopper in the sink and turned the water on before dumping soap in it.

“You need me to rush?”

He asked sarcastically while reaching for the doorknob.

“As a matter of fact I do. They ain't got no cleaning supplies in here and I need to sterilize this room if I'ma be sitting in this bitch.”

He looked back as if he was expecting a smile to be on my face like I was joking. He paused and nodded when he took notice of my serious expression.

“No more than an hour.”

“What if Montey call you to be on door duty again?”

I chuckled not able to hold it in.

“He don't send me invitations for shit like that no more. I'm in the boat with you.”

He chuckled as my smirk faded.

“Keep an eye out for Man for me?”

I pulled out the face towels and placed them in the subbed hot water.

“Shit I guess. You told the nigga to come back.”

“Thanks.”

He yanked the door open and pointed at the lock before pulling it up behind him. I sighed while leaning over the tub to turn on the water and let it run while I made my way to the door. I locked it and moved over to the window. Watching Kenny climb into the car and drive off, I crossed my arms across my chest and diverted my attention to the other side. The numbers on the doors on the other side were visible but my mind was elsewhere causing the numbers to blur.

–

I can’t believe I sat in that house for hours and she didn’t come home. What a waste of my time. She better be here like James said she most likely would be if not at her house. I frowned at the thought of her laying up with his no good ass. That's what she chasing and leaving family behind for? Dumb ass couldn't even be the word to do justice hanging over her head. Her title goes deeper than that. She deserves struggle leaving me behind to not better herself, but to run behind him.

I walked passed two women in nearly nothing. I don’t know where they shop but they must get serious discounts for those too little shirts and incomplete ass skirts. They looked at me as if I was trespassing and needed to find my way and quick. Looking back at them for the last time I turned back forward and caught myself as I ran flat into Evonne. She turned around and cocked her head to the side and stared at me. Well I’d be damned. James should have given me a heads up or something.

"So... you are selling your body?" I asked possibly with too much amusement in my voice but I was simply astounded. In the blink of an eye I was pushed up against the wall with two fingers pointed in my face. All I could focus on was that cigarette being too damn close to my face.

"Who the hell are you talking to?"

Not giving me much time to answer she yelled it out like she was Queen Elizabeth and proud of it.

"Evonne! Evonne fucking Richardson. I’m not selling a damn thing. These suckers are paying to touch me."

My eyes still glued on the sight of the burning cigarette, I glanced over at her to see if she was done talking. Obviously not.

"What the hell you mean? Coming at me like I’m some random broad on the street. I'm your mama."

I looked at the cigarette just in time to see the ashes drop, landing on my chest. Her eyes followed the ashes and she laughed.

"Pretty girl not going to throw a fit because a few ashes touched her, is she? You are pretty. I make pretty ass babies, don’t you agree?"

Backing up, she smiled at a guy who was standing nearby but not close enough to have heard what was being said. She gestured for him to come over and like a trained pet that’s exactly what he did. The man smiled the ugliest smile I've ever seen. His appearance looked as if he was on the streets. With that thought in my mind, I pictured him hanging out in front of a corner store begging for change until he had enough to come around here and pay for a quick fuck. I shuddered at the thought and shook my head to get rid of the image.

"You two do group sessions?"

I choked off of the breath that seemed to come to a halt right in the middle of my throat. Evonne looked over at me and smiled while wrapping an arm around my waist.

"Look here trick, this here is my daughter. Hear me? My daughter."

I stared him down as if I could make him drop dead where he stood. I was ready for Evonne to tell him off and crush the bastard's sick dreams. Instead my eyes damn near popped out of my head as quick as her next words rolled off of her tongue.

"A treat like this could cost more than the usual. How much you got?"

I pushed Evonne away from me and didn’t know whether to keep my eyes on the sick bastard or the sick bitch.

"We don’t need her anyway, baby. I got the strength and skills of more than two women."

She grabbed the man's arm and pulled him along towards the door. I began to walk away slowly.

"Oh Evonne?"

She paused just before walking into the doorway.

"What?"

"Just because a mother gives life, it doesn't make her a mama."

I turned and ran across the street. I could feel her eyes burning me. I peeked over my shoulder and sure enough she was looking. The guy must have been impatient because he walked around her and on into the house. A little afraid, I was relieved when she followed him in the house and the door shut. Shaking my head I chuckled to myself thinking back on what she said. Don't sell, they pay. It takes a whore to say some dumb shit like that. Suddenly I no longer gave a damn about the whys and how could yous. I didn't give a fuck about answers to questions I've been haunted by all of my life. I no longer cared to fill that gap she left when she abandoned me. Looking at her tonight, hell I was grateful for our split.

Picking up the pay phone, I dropped a quarter in and dialed the number that was beyond familiar to my mind. The phone rang, no one answered. Damn it! Bo ass never answer unknown numbers! I slammed the phone back down on the hook and stormed away. Where in the hell did I leave my cell phone?! The only time that I really need it and I can’t find it. Rushing into the car, I locked the doors and checked my surroundings before taking off in full speed across the parking lot. I have to get out of here as quick as possible. Coming to an abrupt stop, I slammed my foot on the brakes and looked back at the door she had been disappeared into one last time. I blinked when a car drove into the parking lot with its high beams blinding me. Fighting to keep my eyes open, I stared right through the light and at that door. I tilted my head to the side and tried to focus in on the number on the door.

–

I held my head upright and looked away from the door to the car pulling in the parking lot. It drove up to the motel office and a guy hopped out of the driver's side. He walked into the office and shortly after, a younger guy who he shared a resemblance with took his place in the car. Hmm? Brothers maybe? Cousins? Family owned business? Sounds nice. Maybe I should sit the fuck down and start a business. Keep my ass out of trouble. Always caught up in some shit for no good reason. Good reason. Good reason? I looked back toward the bed to look over Chante.

“Are you going to make me feel alone?”

I chewed on my inner jaw while waiting for some type of respond.

“You know I don't think anyone will suspect that you're with me. Not Montey. He knows what I'm capable of and til this very day, many years later, he still underestimates me. Not Rodney. He has no idea of who I am. He's kinda cute. Not even cute. Handsome ass man.”

I made my way across the room while carrying on a one way conversation.

“Well you know what? Bo, on the other hand, might be fuming at me at this very moment. He's the only person who actually knows me. Thing is even though he knows me, he doesn't always know where I'm at in life. In my heart. In my mind. My state, you know? He doesn't know if I'm up to bad or good on any given day. Hell, even I don't know that. Was is it about you, Killa Te? There's something about you...but what?”

I sat beside her and placed my hand on her face then held her head in place to stare her down. I felt around her face before moving to her neck.

“What's going on with you now?”

I moved my hands down to her arms to see if any other part of her body was as warm as her face. Her skin felt clammy.

“You weren't like this earlier. You felt fine in the car.”

I stood up holding my hands over her while thinking.

“Um...okay!”

I sat back down and pulled her body up. Letting her fall into me, I felt around until my fingertips made contact with her skin. Feeling around for the opening of her gown, I pulled it open and held her back with one hand while struggling to get it off her left arm. I sighed and laid her back down before pulling the gown off much easier. I paused to check if she had any undergarments on before removing it completely.

“Let me get these socks off of you. They look hot as fuck.”

I snatched the socks off and moved her legs back into a comfortable position.

“Fuck. I think I messed up all the towels trying to clean this bathroom. Better be extra towels in here.”

I snatched the cabinet open and grabbed the only two face towels left. Staring at the sink full of water, I shook my head. I moved over to the tub and turned on the cold water. Placing the towels underneath, I shuddered at the cold water splashing off of my hands and up my arms. Rushing back into the room, I made my way around the bed. I placed one towel on her chest and ran the other along her neck and face.

“What's got you sweating girl?”

I looked around the room in confusion while taking note of our environment for the first time. The temperature is fine. What the fuck is going on? A knock at the door came so random that I half expected to see Chante jump out of surprise. I power walked over to the window and peeped out. I quickly made my way to the door and snatched it open.

“You aren't quite the obedient one, are you?”

I looked over the pizza box in Man's hand. He shrugged.

“I know what it feels like to be down. I chose to spend smart. This way I have something to eat later too. Kenny?”

“Not back yet.” I stepped forward to peek out of the door. He moved back out of my way and looked off.

“Sorry. I'll just try-”

“Come on in.”

He looked questionable.

“He said you're good people. You're his people. So come on in.”

I motioned for him to quickly move and he scurried pass me. I closed the door and locked up. I quickly walked around him and went to the bed to pull part of one of the towels over Chante's body without covering her too much. I picked up the towel on her chest and went to run more cool water over it. When I returned, I glanced at Man standing.

“Take a seat.”

He nodded and sat at the small table for two. He pulled open the box and looked my way as I walked pass. I saw that two slices were missing. I glanced back again while placing the towel on her chest. I shook my head no when I realized his gesture. He closed the box and avoided looking Chante's way.

“She okay?”

“Yeah.”

I glanced back and saw that he had turned to the table right and was facing away from Chante.

“What's your name?”

“Man.”

I watched him squirm to keep his focus in the opposite direction while giving me a short answer. I pulled the towel back off of her to keep her exposed and cool.

“That's the name Kenny gave you.”

“That's the only name that I have. Nobody calling out to me.”

“What's the name that your parents gave you?”

“Troy.”

“Just Troy?”

“Yes ma'am.”

I made my way over to the table and he was still holding his head down. I smirked at how he was being a gentleman in the situation and automatically thought back on when he called me ma'am.

“How old are you Troy?”

“27.”

“And how old do you think I am, Troy?”

We met eyes and I chuckled.

“Stop calling me ma'am.”

“Didn't mean to offend you.”

“You didn't. Just ease up, okay? Tensed niggas tend to make me edgy.”

He laughed and I assumed it was because of my choice of words.

“So what kind of trouble were you into?”

He went quiet and shrugged.

“Kenny help you out?”

“With support I guess. I'm a junkie. Let it take over my life and lost everything. So young. So stupid.”

“I thought you shook it? Kenny said you shook trouble.”

“Once a junkie, always a junkie. That's how some people think anyway.”

“Would I offend you if I admit to being one of those people?”

“Tasha? Is what Kenny said?”

“Yeah, that's me.”

I slid his box of pizza around and opened it to go for a slice.

“Well Tasha, when there's so many people like that, sooner or later you stop taking offense.”

I looked over the toppings after taking a bite.

“So why do you still refer to yourself as a junkie? I find that interesting.”

“Well that's how people will treat a junkie, right? No matter if you drop the drugs, they still believe you are still that abuser. Don't trust you. Think you want to steal. Think you mean no good.”

“How you making it in these streets? Job?”

“Who will trust me enough to employ me? I either have to be close to a foundation or cash. I'm a junkie remember. Kenny's a good guy. Best thing he ever did for me was deny me drugs whenever I was at a breaking point ready to relapse. One time, he dragged me out of a spot. I got the scar.”

He sat back in the chair and pulled up his shirt to reveal a healed slash across his side. He quickly put his shirt back down.

“Sorry.”

“It wasn't inappropriate. Don't apologize. Let me see it.”

He pulled the shirt back up and I took another bite of the pizza before leaning across the table to peer at the scar.

“I tried to fight him off and scraped against the curb. Kind of glad I got this mark. Sorta reminds me that I'm not a nobody. You know? I mean... well it's stupid but I just... It's a mark I got from somebody caring enough when I have nobody in this world. One person gave a damn even when I didn't.”

He let his shirt fall down and sat back up to the table, resting his arms. I took in his words as if they were my own. They were. My words, his mouth. Bo crossed my mind and I listened to him continue while I finished off the slice.

“He looks out for me when he sees me. He's young and runs with the wrong people. He's judged by that. People think he's some hard headed cold hearted killer or something. He's a good boy. Just caught in a bad lifestyle.”

“I like your mind, Casper.”

“Casper?”

“Nobody sees you, right? You're a nobody.”

I got up to go over to my jacket that was tossed on the nightstand when I first entered the room. I pulled out the phone that was vibrating and looked at the screen.

“What's up, Kenny?”

“What?”

“What?”

“How you know it's me? You got my number?”

“Nah. How long you gonna be?”

“I dropped it off somewhere close by them. Cleaned it up. Got a new ride and I'm heading back your way. What cleaning shit you need?”

“Don't worry about it. I'll handle it. Just watch yourself on your way.”

“At all times.”

I hung up without a farewell and walked over to the table. I reached in my inside pockets and pulled out my clip. I counted off the bills and calculated a little over $300 before handing $150 to Casper. He looked confused and alarmed at the same time.

“I need you to do something for me. I need some stuff from the store.”

He hesitantly took the money and looked over it.

“You're giving me your money? You trust that?”

“Once a junkie, always a junkie. Can't be trusted. Prove me wrong.”

We held eye contact and after a few awkward seconds he nodded in agreement.

“What do you need?”

“I'ma make a list in this phone. I want you to take it with you.”

“You need your phone, right?”

“Don't worry about that. Plus you'll return, right?”

–

“What's going on in here?”

Kenny pushed the door closed and felt around for the lock. He turned and locked the door then walked further into the room.

“I don't know. It's like she was running some kind of fever for a minute.”

“Don't she need all that hospital shit?”

He bypassed the bed to avoid standing over Chante while I moved around him with her hospital gown.

“She don't need that shit.”

“You got medical experience?”

“And I don't need that shit. Here. Help me.”

I sat next to her and lifted her up. He rushed by my side and placed his hand on her back. I slowly pushed her back into his arms and eased her gown over her arms. He shifted out of the way when I stood to pull the gown around her.

“Man been back?”

“He's running an errand. He'll be back soon.”

“Errand?”

“He's good people. He's sticking around.”

“What?”

“He said you look out for him? So he stays close right?”

“I run into him from time to time. Make sure he's straight.”

“Well nothing's changing. Like I said he'll be back soon.”

I stepped back and watched him lay Chante back in the bed.

“So... you looking for that escape or not?”

I placed my hands on my hips and stared at him. He looked dumbfounded.

“Let's just be real here. Yes or no?”

“I'm not trying to be stuck in this lifestyle.”

“So we're looking for escapes, yeah?”

He licked his lips while nodding.

“I'ma give you a few tips. You got small things against you that can be avoided.”

He folded his arms and stared at me as I took a seat at the table.

“You should really stop carrying cash like that on you. That's too much. If a cop stop you, that stack in your pocket is a red flag. Makes them keep their eyes on you and start watching you. Break it down. Carry what you need including emergency funds and put the rest on cards. Play it smart.”

He darted his eyes around, taking in what I was saying. I paused to see how he would react. He didn't seem like a nigga who thought he knew it all and nobody could tell them shit. I scooted the pizza box to the side while he took a seat across from me.

“How you know my number?”

I laughed at how he jumped right back into this.

“I like to keep up with people but I don't like people keeping up with me.”

I chuckled at how he called me from a different number not long after I answered his first call. He was really testing shit out and was twice as surprised at how I answered the phone addressing him right away the second time the same as I did the first.

“You're the only one who got that number. Any call coming in, I know it's only one person and that's you. I know who's behind that incoming call and I'd like to keep it that way.”

I paused to look up with a serious expression on my face. We exchanged a silent agreement and I went to finish up what I was saying.

“You looked stressed when those calls were coming in today. Never throw out the same number as both personal and business. Hell, never put all your business on one line either. I've got three lines right now. Even so I still don't fuck with many people. You wanna get in contact with me, contact someone who can get a hold of me.”

“Sounds like it can be useful.”

I went to speak on another tip when a knock snatched both of our attention and we looked over at the door. Kenny looked my way then got up and walked up to the door. He peeped out of the peep hole before unlocking it and opening it up.

“Damn Casper. You get right to it and complete the task in no time.”

“Mission accomplished.”

He walked across the room and sat the bags on the table. I stood to help him with the stuff that he was holding under his arm.

“You got it all?”

“It's what's on your list.”

Kenny walked over observing.

“You didn't have trouble carrying all this?”

“I'm used to keeping up with everything. When you're on the go every minute of every day, everything stays close.”

I looked through the bags for the cleaning supplies and looked up to see him pulling money out of his pocket.

“I got some coupons out of the store and used the ad to find the sales. I saved and got more of your change than calculated.”

He held it out to me and I tilted my head to the side.

“Well I'll be damned, Casper. Proven wrong.”

“Casper?” Kenny spoke up in a tone that was probably meant to remind us of his presence.

“She nicknamed me.”

He shrugged like it was nothing.

“You get your room yet, Man?”

“No. I came straight over here.”

“Let's go handle this.”

“When you guys handle that, can you help me clean this motherfucking room because I can't lay down without getting this shit straight.”

“What you need?”

“I just need to be in a clean environment. I don't really feel comfortable in this cheap shit but it's the last place someone will look for me and that's for damn sure.”

I pulled the sheet sets out of one of the bags and sat them down before picking up the bag of cleaning supplies.

“Tomorrow, we can talk?”

“Yeah.”

Kenny answered while looking around like he didn't know where to start.

“Can I do anything?”

“I really like him.” I pointed at Casper while speaking to Kenny. I patted Casper on the chest. “Why don't you take down the bathroom for me?”

I handed him the clorox and grabbed the bag of towels.

“Sit these in there when you're done.”

“So we're waiting on buying this room or what?”

I thought for a second on Kenny's question.

“You know what? You can just go ahead and handle that and by the time you get back, I will have stripped that bed down and sprayed it down. Then you can move her in that bed for me. From then on, I can just work around her.”

“Alright. I guess we are making ourselves at home.”

“Something tells me we should sit down like it is home for a couple of days til we get this shit figured out.”

“Funny how this shit is on some we shit.”

“We are one. Get used to it, buddy. We are the three amigos. Learn to love it.”